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“I am scared to be alive not dead.”
These are the words of a brave woman who stood up to her abuser and has seen him jailed for 18 years.
Gavin Cowell, of Sunderland, subjected her to a catalogue of abuse, which included rape, sexual assault, and strangling her until she struggled to breathe.
He would also damage her personal belongings and repeatedly hit her.
A police investigation was launched, and the 37-year-old was subsequently changed.
He denied two counts of rape, five counts of assault occasioning actual bodily harm, two counts of sexual assault, and one count each of non-fatal suffocation, controlling or coercive behaviour, making threats to kill and threatening with an offensive weapon but a jury found him guilty.
He pleaded guilty to two counts of damaging property and one count of destroying property.
At Teesside Crown Court last month, he was sentenced to 18 years in prison. He was also made subject of a lifetime restraining order.
In her victim impact statement, which she read out in court, the woman said:
“I am in pain 24 hours a day. I am scared to be alive not dead. This has gone on for so long and has left me in a daze.
“I have been left in the unknown with what has been going on for a long period of time. The times I have been left awake over thinking every situation repeatedly.
“The struggles I have to sleep and eventually when I do I have constant flashbacks which take me back to the dark times I had.
“Certain noises take me back to situations involving him and leave me in shock. At night I sit in the dark without a focus. Every noise pierce through my brain.”
“I have lost my life, my home, my business and I am going to have to start from scratch again.
“Every part has been scary; the fact he used to brag about what he did to me has caused the suffering to be even worse.”
She added: “I would like to thank the police, charity Harbour and everyone who has supported me thorough this.”
Temporary Detective Constable Mike White, of Durham Constabulary, said:
“Nobody should ever have to suffer abuse of this nature.
“This woman has shown incredible courage, bravery, and dignity throughout this investigation and court process.
“Her strength has prevailed, and her attacker has been handed a lengthy prison sentence. I hope that this will allow her to begin the healing process.
“Cowell is an extremely dangerous individual who clearly poses a significant risk to women. I am pleased he is now behind bars and cannot hurt anyone else.”